Is it being lazy and lack of commitment stopping from keeping my new writing habit? Or is it something hardwired in my nervous system?
Timer is ticking. I am sitting here looking through a slice of building out at Boston Harbor with the sun just rising. Wearing my sunglasses because the the sun is coming right through my window onto the lap top.
As you may have noticed I have not logged a 30 minute writing session for over a week. I did however log into my program so I kept that part of the habit. I left off somewhere ranting about commitments. That being said it will provide content for other posts but not for today.
About my Hiatus was it about being lazy, here it comes lack of commitment, being flat out tired, or just resisting taking action or all of the above? Perhaps all these share some similar elements or common threads. As I explore deeper into how I am hardwired and how creating new habits is successful and or struggle. The month of July could have been better named new habit creation month. I started my yoga streaming class, I transitioned from taking the car to work to riding my bike to work. Another blog coming about that experience and the danger in biking . Briefly depending where you live and the path you ride to your destination could be hazardous to life. More to come another Blog (Biking to work – what I did not expect)
So back to making new habits in month of July. Up leveling my diet out of necessity due to some food sensitivities. The bottom line here is about taking consistent action in all these areas. The easiest habits is the bike riding 2 days a week 6 miles each way. The habit that I thought would be pretty easy was this one. Just flip up the lap top enjoy the view of the harbor, pu erh tea brewed by my side and the way I go. It is Sunday morning before work I am ready to write look forward to it actually. So what is the element of resistance during the week and doing it everyday just for a few minutes. I have identified I enjoy it? So why not do it daily for 30 minutes? Maybe that is not the right question. Lets explore the others. Am I lazy? Um a bit of self talk but lets check my belief on a scale of 1-10 how I feel about it right now um 4/10. Lets test another When I am tired and exhausted I can’t set my mind to do anything 10/10 that has been definitely me this past week. Lets check the resistance: I have feeling of resistance when laying down a some habits like this that require my attention every day 8/10. I have to drill into that one for some more specifics. Getting somewhere around how my nervous systems is hardwired around setting down new habits how some are easier and others more of a struggle.
The nervous system Fight Flight Flee response is very much hard wired to protect us. If we look at what taking action represents from an cave man perspective taking action every day was a life threatening ordeal. One did not have a lot resources for the comfort and ease of living today. The caveman did not have to do battle in a overly crowded grocery market fighting at who is next at the meat and fish counter or over the asparagus and brusselsprouts. No he had to worry if his food source was going to show up and the risk that it could kill him. Let alone no creature comforts like heat and air conditioning when the weather turns nasty. and certainly no ready made shower or bubble bath to restore tired muscles from the hunt. Or things like worrying and checking in with all his devices, pages, postings, paying bills, and making sure the pool got cleaned, and the laundry gets done. All things we take action in our everyday lives however when comes to taking and creating a better lifestyle or work habit it interesting how my cave woman wants throw up her hand and say back off. Because that is essentially what I am saying to myself. No I don’t want to do another freaking habit. I don’t care if it is good for me or my work productivity. Stop trying to fix what isn’t broken! You are always trying to upend the comfort zone here with these new habits. AH THERE IT IS THE COMFORT ZONE. I AM DISRUPTING THE COMFORT ZONE IN MY NERVOUS SYSTEM SOME ACTIONS NEW HABITS ARE A DISRUPTION AN EARTHQUAKE TO MY COMFORT. Times up part of the deal is set the timer and stop when the timer says so.
The commitments we keep the ones we let go of how it influences our life.
It is 7:23 going for 30 minutes before I hop on the bike and head out along the Charles River to work. Wish it was the Wanganui. I used to my ride my bike along the river for miles. A favorite spot to stop and take a swim was by this huge tree with a rope swing. We would swing out over the river and drop. What fun memories. I have been NZ as of late. I digress…
My awareness first thing in the morning: I am committed to my cup of pu’er tea as soon as I get up. Nothing happens without this commitment to my tea. Even Pep knows Mommy must have at least 1/2 cup of tea before we go out. Then I can have the rest of my tea in the courtyard as we watch the Turkeys and perform scent surveillance around the neighborhood.
It seems there are many kinds of commitments internal and external. The internal commitments to care for ourselves the external commitments being those we make with others. Like my commitment not obligation to choose to care for my 92 year old Mom when she was diagnosed with Pancreatic CA. It was a big commitment that had life changing results. My commitment with whole heart. Yes it changed my life style for over 2 years. I moved into her apartment leaving my home. I would not have it any other way. Life changing commitment. I am now released of that commitment for 14 months and it has a lingering imprint on me. A commitment that has been let go of that I would gladly like to keep but it has been completed.
Other commitments are superficial ones we can wiggle out of when we feel exhausted, overwhelmed. The ones we reschedule with friends because something comes up. Not in a disrespectful way just that life happens. In the case with Mom there is no rescheduling there is no wiggle room. And then the morning tea commitment that is also unwavering. My life long commitment to my Pup for hopefully a very long life G-d willing.
The commitment and vows I make around his care, involvement and integration as family member. The commitment I took when I decide to bring him into our family. That he would not be left alone he would go everywhere with us. That our lifestyle would change and would weave around his inclusion. He has traveled to Spain with me and goes kayaking on the Charles river among many other adventures. Another deep rooted commitment much like that with parents to children. No matter what happens shy of death it is a 24/7 commitment.
Writing for 24 minutes shy 6 minutes. Ok the point is I committed to write and I have a theme developing. I have to shave off 6 minutes because I committed to ride my bike to work and it takes 45 minutes and I have a full day followed by another commitment to meet a friend for Romeo and Juliet in the Common. Which commitments will I keep which one will I left go of?
How many commitments do we make and break everyday?
Today flowed so much better and here it is Friday. I made a conscious effort to to pick and choose from work list and self care list to have a more balanced day. Here I am ready to write what ever comes to mind. I did not have a specific project that required writing so here I am on the blank page. Thinking of a question or awareness that could turn into useful content.
Right now my mind is a bit blank nothing really standing out and just being aware of that. Breathing into the blank space and seeing what comes up. Where did all those conversations in my head go as I was thinking about restarting my Dissolving Barriers program again in the Fall. Um committing to that is a good thing. I think starting the Tuesday after September 14 .
Commitment now that is an interesting word. What a about commitment? What does it mean to you or me. It means I am taking ownership and responsibility. It sometimes feels like a burden or heavy in other situations it feels empowering. How many commitments do we make in a day? How many do we keep and how many do we let go of? I am I able to successfully manage my commitments without burnout, fatigue or frustration. What about commitment to self: Do I commitment to proper nourishment of body and mind so that it can function at optimum performance? Or do I succumb to the cravings and comfort of the traditional junk food diet. How does my commitment around nourishment sustain me or jeopardize me?
When I nourish myself with live, real food my mind has the opportunity to be clear and run ( I am going to exaggerate) like a supercomputer better than my desktop and my smart phone. My body feel energetic and not sluggish. I am motivated to move and flex body through various activities that feel fun and enjoyable without pain or restriction. This sounds a little text book. How would I rate this myself in keeping this commitment? 7/10 and my weakest moments are probably at work as an Occupational Therapist 2x week when comfort snacks abound and when things get stressful it is just so easy to grab for 1, 2, 3, uh oh. So it means I have to prepare my snacks for those moments when need I seek something not only physically satisfying but emotionally satisfying. The traditional junk food snacks just don’t left me up in fact they drain me after about 30 minutes.
Commitment to move and strengthen my body so it can carry me easily with everything I do. It feels good to be strong. How many of us take for granted being able to walk easily and effortlessly anywhere we want to go. I live in a city that is truly a walking city. If you have difficulty walking on your own two feet it will be a struggle to get around easily. Walking is amazing and something we take for granted. Feeling your legs carry your the rest of body through space and suspend your arms away from and lift them up to the sky. What an amazing sensation. I have recently change and up leveled my commitment to moving my body by riding my bike to work 2x a week and getting rid of the car. Committing to my new yoga burn flow exercise 7x a week. This will be the 5th weekend riding my bike I am pretty stoked about keeping that commitment. I am too tired to edit there are many grammatical errors and I apologize. I commit to clean ir up later. Time is up 30 minutes flew by.